The hardest most wonderful 3 weeks.

I guess it doesn't matter how much preparation you do, or how much you read, or how many classes you go to, you just can't really be ready for  the experience of birth and then having a newborn. How can anyone explain the combination of intense love and joy when you look at her face and the complete misery that your body is in at the same time? The soreness and the hormones and the emotional stress and fear of what you've gotten yourself into, there was no way I could have been prepared for any of that. Our lives are in a million pieces, and the pieces will never fit back together the way they did before. We're starting over, building a new life, as three people, as a family. We're finding ourselves grieving over the loss of our old life, while being excited about our new one. The word we find ourselves using the most the last couple of weeks is overwhelming.

one day old, blood test

I'm already amazed by how much she has grown. Every time I pick her up to feed her she seems chubbier and sturdier and just a little bit longer. She's starting to have funny little habits, that maybe only I will notice, because we have so much intimate time together while I feed her. She gets annoyed if I mess with her feet while she's sucking. She likes to kick her little knee up to rest on my other breast while she's eating. She has a fake cry that she pulls out when she's hungry, but she doesn't seem to want to put in the effort of a real cry. She's started having an after-meal stretch which Josh loves.

4 days old

We're finding ourselves sliding into a routine, which I imagine will keep evolving as she grows and changes. She sleeps in 3 hour stretches at night, and usually goes right back to sleep after her feeding. Josh wakes up when she fusses and hands her to me, and after we're done he changes her diaper and soothes her back to sleep. Her wakeful times are mostly quiet, while she stares at whatever seems interesting to her at the moment, mostly the ceiling fan. She's such a sweet, mellow baby.

Great Grandma and Grandpa

First bath

Week one, tiny baby

Sleep style

Josh rocks the Moby wrap

 We had a week 3 photo shoot on the red couch yesterday, and caught some good faces.

It's a Girl!

I'm a little late on this, but it's only because we had a baby.
Her name is Ada Blue Kubisch, and she was born at 1:26 am on Monday May 9, 2011.
She was 8 lbs 6 ounces, and 20 inches long, with a 14 inch head.
And she's wonderful.

False Alarm!

We thought it was going to happen last night. I was having contractions that were consistently 8 minutes apart for about 9 hours, but they never got stronger and then they stopped. So we got another good night of sleep, and Josh cleaned the house and finished some basement things and I packed our bags and got our snacks all ready. Now when it really IS time, we won't have anything to do.
I'm hoping the contractions will start up again today. I'm feeling very frustrated, mostly because I'm bored. I want to see this baby's face!

The watermelon is in the nest!

I hope it didn't squish the baby birds. Also, I would like to eat a watermelon, in the warmth of the sun.
Contractions most of the day yesterday, off and on, but they stopped again last night. Just starting to have more again today, but still very mild. I guess this can go on for a long time, from what I've heard.
I'm running out of things to do and ways to entertain myself.

my baby ticker is off…

It says 2 more days,  but really it's 4 more til May 5th. I don't think it really matters at this point though. We made it to 40 weeks, which is awesome, because it means the Bloob is fully cooked and will have strong lungs and no worries. Right? I'm having more and more braxon-hicks contractions (we're started calling them contraptions, for fun), and I've been getting lots of good rest at night. Yesterday morning we went and soaked in a warm salt water pool, which really helped my pelvic pain, and it was just nice in general. We promised ourselves we would make it a habit to go back, we liked it so much. This is the pool.

It has jets in it too, so it's more like a hot tub when it's turned on. We went at 10 am, so it was still kind of cool outside, but getting sunny, and it felt so good to sit in the morning sun in the warm water! And, my maternity bathing suit still fits, so I was happy about that.

Today is 70 degrees and sunny, it's our first 70 degree day of the year! Josh and I did a bunch of yard work, then he just left to go to an afternoon painting seminar. Being out in the sun after this long rainy winter is so wonderful. It's what makes living in Portland bearable, the sun and plants just wipe away all that glumness so quickly. It looks like our blueberry bushes are going to be full this year, and we have a good plan for the garden beds, an herb garden on the deck, and a new sunnier spot for tomatoes. All you visitors will be a big help getting it done while you're here! You can carry the Bloob around the yard in the Ergo carrier while I sleep.

soon these will be bloobs!

I also have my skinny (not swollen) ankles back today for some reason. I think it means I didn't drink enough water yesterday, but I don't care. Look at those bones and veins! I haven't seen them in weeks.

This plant is in our back yard, Josh said it's called a Bleeding Heart. Very appropriate name I think! It's so beautiful.

I've also been really enjoying our neighbor's cherry tree. They actually have two different kinds right next to each other, the smaller one bloomed white flowers a couple weeks ago, and now the bigger one is all pink. I wish we had one in our yard, but I'll just enjoy theirs from afar.

I took a picture of myself with the tree. I thought I was smiling, but apparently not. And by the way, this is pretty much the only outfit that fits me now, and I've been wearing it every day. 

I was feeling sad that I don't have very many pictures of me being pregnant just doing stuff, so I was happy when Katie M. posted this picture the other day. This was last weekend at work. I want to eat all those doughnuts right now. 

I'm going to get in the kitchen and make some food to freeze. It's supposed to be my project while I'm waiting though hours of early labor, but I'm going to start now. Then when Josh comes home, I'll say I'm tired and he'll wash all the dishes. He loves dishes!

Today, the day I finally get bored.

I have nothing to do today. I could go shopping, or sew, or watch tv, but all of these things sounds boring to me. I slept pretty well last night, but had a lot of braxton-hicks contractions. I just took Stella on a walk, with the hope that her pulling me all over the neighborhood might encourage the Bloob, but I don't think it worked. She did a pretty good job of walking slow with me though.
Yesterday I gave Richard some catnip, just for entertainment. It was a good hours worth of laughs.

This waiting part is getting on my nerves.

Can I post the Final Countdown video again?

Ugh. I knew these last couple weeks were going to be the hardest, but UGH! I eat, I get heartburn. I don't eat, I get dizzy and weak, and I still get heartburn. I  want to exercise, but when I do I want to stop. I want to lie down, but when I do my pelvic pain gets so bad I have to get up and move around again. No wonder people try all kinds of crazy things to start labor!

Josh brought me flowers the other day, which was very sweet. Tulips are my favorite, and these are such a pretty color!

We did set up the bed in the basement bedroom the other day. It's my bed, you know, from back in my single days, and it's way more modern than Josh's style, but makes the basement space feel very clean and modern! I can't lift or bend at all really, so I mostly stood around and gave instructions while Josh put it all together. Then we laid down on the bed and Richard sat in the windowsill and Stella laid on her little rug at the foot of the bed. It was nice.

I mad this pillow for the bed yesterday. I made some quick curtains today, but I have to go get a tension rod today so I can hang them. And then…. I think we're ready.

We have a midwife appointment today at 3pm, where we will once again probably find out very little except that we just need to keep waiting.